Okapi Fever
I haven’t posted for a while as I am continuing to be more than a little ill, feverish in fact. As a result this post will probably be more rambling and unfocussed than usual.
Fever and illness in general has some advantages I think, one seems a bit closer to the ‘other world’ or imaginal realm, whatever that might be. Certainly I have been having fairly regular lucid dreams and on a couple of occasions, these occurred even whilst semi-awake. I should state the background to this period of ‘unwellness’ such as it is. It has been going on for a few months and although ordinarily one should be concerned, this is not the case. I have come to be convinced that it is not an illness as such but a form of ‘incapacity’ the purpose of which is my body and mind forcing me to a position where I have to let go of everything. A ‘healing crisis’ or period of detoxification I think. I realized this whilst experiencing a lucid dream a few days ago.
In this dream I was in ‘another place’ that often features in recurring dreams I have. This is the place that I always find myself in during lucid dreams - it is another ‘land’, where I ‘come from’. In some senses it is a kind of control centre - a place where I planned, along with some others, how my life would be on earth. In these dreams I am often in the position of ‘reporting back’ or, more often, adjusting the plan according to certain developments but that is another story and just - obviously - a dream. Anyway, in this dream I had been summoned to the office of some person of importance in this dream and was told that I was ready to undergo ‘The Ritual’.
I didn’t know what this was but some friends helped me prepare - dress formally, relax etc. The ritual was a presentation not unlike a University Graduation where I was given a certificate. This certificate had nothing on it but it was emblematic that I had reached the stage of being able to undergo a further experience of I chose. I was not informed what this would be and I had a certain dread of it but I agreed, in the spirit of ‘an offer I couldn’t refuse’.
This further experience involved some removal men escorting me to my ‘office’ (where in all these dreams the plans are made for my ‘real world’ activities) with a couple of porter’s trolleys and I was required to load them up with boxes from my office. These boxes were in fact everything I possessed. Some were big and others small, some were files and folders stuffed with papers but they were all labelled with such things as: love, books, desire X or plan Z (these were not called that but were specific labels referring to aims and desires I have - some of them I didn’t realize I have until I saw them there, I am not specifying what they actually were for my own reasons), others were labelled by the names of religions and philosophies such as ‘Gurdjieff’, ‘Islam’ or ‘Christianity’. I understood that these boxes and files were not representative of the thing described on them but rather they contained my own (limited and necessarily incorrect) understanding of the reality behind the label.
It was a bit painful to load some of these things up as I had a sense of foreboding and this increased as I was forced to load a very large box labelled ‘God’. By this time things had taken on the kind of ‘I am doing something wrong now’ feeling that I was familiar with from my adolescent Occult experimentation but I kept going as I had agreed to do. We transported all the boxes and files to a large garden where a very big bonfire was raging and the ‘important person’ from the Graduation ritual reappeared. He asked me if I was happy to consign all these possessions to the flames and to proceed with nothing. I did not reply to this but actually just walked away and that was the end of the dream. i realized by doing this that I had given consent but the thing is that the giving consent was the whole point. Maybe the things were burnt, maybe not, I had given consent and they were no longer mine. I had no connection with them anymore and it is none of my business what has happened to them.
This was a few days ago now and things have certainly changed. I am not physically feeling any better but from somewhere I have received a new direction - everything has in a way been ‘consigned to the flames’ and in life it seems I am starting with a new slate. I don’t have the energy to get excited about this now but when I am feeling a bit better (please God soon) I know I will. i will post more on the new direction tomorrow or later as it is a very definite plan and a very exciting one.
